Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
