dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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