When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
