I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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