We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
