I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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