So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
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I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
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Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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