They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The adults are the big ones right?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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