you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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