We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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