I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
