I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
