HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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