I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
