We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
