I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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