I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
