So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize