the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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