My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
