mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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