True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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