I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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