I think I won the penis lottery.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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