I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
