I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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