a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
