I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
