gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
