Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
