This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
