I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
