Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
porn star boner night. come get it.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
