your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
