I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
