True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I made him laugh his dick is mine
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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