I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I would ride that face into the sunset
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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