I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
