bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Randomize
