I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
