Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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