theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
honey bunches of taint.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Bring me that man meat
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
