no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
