dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
