I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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