john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
