I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
