I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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