Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
