His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
