I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
