Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
