Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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