i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
