Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
