I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
from now on my penis is your penis
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
