I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
