whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Randomize
