What did we do last night that was yellow?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
