u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE