Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just threw up on my dentist
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
