From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
