I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
