no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
