I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
