He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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