I want to stick my p in your. b.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
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