my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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