I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
