i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
