I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Little spoons don't ask big questions
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
