The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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