Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
