i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
