there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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