i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
